This past week I experienced something at school that made me cringe. It made me squirm in my chair and wish I could curl up into a ball, or mysteriously teleport myself some place else.
It wasn’t the teacher, or the student, that was making me cringe. It was a loving, well meaning parent.
I was observing a goal setting conference for a 4th grade boy. At the beginning of the conference introductions were made by the student and samples of well executed, self-selected school work were taken out and shown to the parents. It showed us all what a great job the student has been doing. After looking at his writing journal entries, this particular student decided that one of the goals he would like to set was to get better at brainstorming for new ideas and writing first drafts of his small moment stories. It was to do his best to get his ideas down on paper and not worry so much about what it looked like in the first draft. This was something that his teacher had been trying to stress to the students; that rough drafts don’t have to be perfect, it’s all about getting your ideas down on paper. Grammar, spelling and punctuation can be dealt with later. That’s what revision and editing is for, after all! What is important is writing about things that are interesting to you, and working at how to get it down on paper.
Knowing this particular student, the teacher (and I) agreed that this was an important goal for him. We knew he had lots of great ideas in his head, if he could only just get them out! From looking through his writing journal and seeing all the erasing, rewriting, erasing, and rewriting, it was not hard to imagine that this might stifle his creativity.
So, after talking through this goal, the student began to write down it down on the worksheet in front of him. And at this point, his mother started correcting his wording, his spelling and his punctuation as he went. All while saying what a great goal he had set.
You can imagine how my eyebrows shot up as I met the eyes of my master teacher after the 4th or 5th “helpful” correction suggested by the mother. My heart went out to this poor kid. It’s hard enough to be the center of the room’s attention without someone pointing out every minor mistake you make!
It brought to mind many of the things that we discussed when we were reading “How to Talk so Kids Can Learn” by Faber & Mazlish. I could feel all the positive energy that we had all just poured forth on this kid go swirling around the drain.
It also served as a reminder to me about how our words can have an enormous effect on how a student looks at himself or his ability as a writer. After the first 5 minutes of the conference, I saw a boy who knew he had great potential as a writer. He was a creator of narrative and expository writing. He was smiling and proud of his work. Five minutes later, that same boy was slumping in his chair, chin on chest, eyes aimed at the desktop.
Now extrapolate that to a classroom full of kids who aren’t sure that they can write. I can either choose to be the teacher who gets her students excited about telling all about themselves, their interests, and their ideas; or I can be the teacher who has to make sure that there is proper punctuation at all times. Don’t get me wrong, writing conventions are important. But they are important not as a way to tie students down, but to enhance what they have written in the final product. After all, it’s that was revision and editing is for?
What a story. I wish that I could say that was an unusual occurance, but it's not. The parent was well-meaning and really wanted to help her child. She was perhaps a little embarrassed as well. Many parents judge the academic abilities of their children on the basis of tangible evidence - such as correct spelling and punctuation. (Which, like you, I want to add is important. It's just not all there is.) Have you and your cooperating teacher made a plan yet to deal with this event?
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That is sad to hear. Recently I observed a goal setting conference where I saw a similar, visible, physical reaction to criticism from a parent. The teacher and student had just finished with a 5-minute presentation about how the student was progressing and how he plans to improve, showing goals for improvement, when the parent pointed the last time he planned goals he did not meet his goals and does he really think he this time, maybe goals are to high.......the child lost the excited look on his face, he sat down, stopped talking and slumped down in his chair. The parent just went on. That is a difficult situation for the teacher as well. She needs to listen to the parents, but for how long if she can see the damage being done to the poor child. I've heard many stories like that from teachers and it is a shame some parents are not willing/or able to help children with the emotional, confidence-building part of learning.
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